Love Me or I'll Chuck You in the Fireplace

     I saw a video a while back that was making fun of the fact that we can choose to accept or reject salvation by comparing it to a scenario in which a child has a choice between loving his dad and being thrown into the wood stove. Sounds like a pretty accurate analogy, right? After all, God basically said to the human race, "Love me or I'll throw you into an everlasting barbecue pit," right? Well, not really.
     The main problem with the analogy is that if the dad had simply ignored his son, his son may have gone on to live a peaceful and fulfilling life with a good job and wonderful family. Basically, everything was going fine until the dad got the horrid idea to say, "Love me or burn to death, son." Now, if all human beings were destined for a pleasant eternity regardless of their attitudes toward God, and then he decided to make things interesting, invented Hell, and said, "Love me or roast, humans," this would be a fair analogy. But that's not how things went down.
     If you are going to understand why things went down the way they did, and by extension why they are the way they are today, you must get rid the idea that Heaven is "the place where God lives." God, by definition, is omnipresent, and therefore "lives" everywhere. Has the thought ever occurred to you that if God is truly omnipresent, the statements, "Heaven is the place where God lives," and "Hell is the place where God lives," are equally accurate? It's strange but true. What then, is Heaven? First off, I think calling Heaven a "place" is an understatement. It's kind of like calling the entire universe "the place where people live." Let us instead refer to Heaven and Hell as "realms."
     What then are the main differences between these realms? Personally, I don't think they have as much to do with fire and worms as is often assumed in our culture. As far as I can tell, the culture to which Jesus described Hell relied heavily on metaphors to portray situations involving extreme emotions, and they would have understood the fire and worms to be metaphors for the extreme negative emotions experienced in Hell. I may be wrong about this, so don't blame me if the they turn out to be literal! Anyway, before I address the nature of the two possible everlasting homes, I need to make a point about the nature of humanity.
     Imagine that for some reason you decided to throw a brick through Mrs. Smith's window, so you did, and when you turned make your getaway, you found that she was standing behind you and saw the whole thing. How much shame would you feel? You can't really say without knowing what sort of person Mrs. Smith is. Let's say she's a terrible person and she's always throwing bricks through your windows and deflating your tires and setting fire to your lawn, and she recently shot your dog. How much shame would you feel for getting caught throwing a brick through her window? Probably none, or at least very little.
     Now let's say that Mrs. Smith is a wonderful person and she's always baking you cookies and taking care of your numerous pets while you're on vacation and weeding your garden when she knows you're busy, and she recently saved you from drowning in a tar pit, and then you get caught throwing a brick through her window. How much shame would you feel? Probably quite a bit.
     Any number of scenarios could serve to illustrate that fact that the amount of shame we feel for immoral actions depends very much on the sort of person who sees us doing them. If a drunk hobo sees us litter it's not such a big deal as if Morgan Freeman sees us littering. Anyway, you can probably guess where I'm going with this. God, if he exists, is the greatest possible being. Standing before the greatest possible being, and knowing that he has seen every thing you've ever done and every thought you've ever had would be even worse than having the nice Mrs. Smith catch you throwing a brick through her window. If you have never been so ashamed that you hid your face, count your blessings, but if you have, imagine that amount of shame multiplied several thousand times over, and being unable to hide your face from the greatest possible being. Got it?
     Next, a bit about the nature of God. God, being the greatest possible being, is by definition omnipotent and omniscient and morally perfect. Imagine now that something immoral and corrupt has entered your home. If it stays, it will be because you don't care that it's there, you don't know that it's there, or you are not capable of removing it. If you knew it was there, it bothered you, and you were capable of removing it, you would. Now imagine that something immoral and corrupt has entered God's home. He knows it's there, he hates immorality and corruption, and he is capable of removing it, so we will not tolerate it.
     But wait! Everywhere is God's home, and every human being has been corrupted by immoral behavior! Do you see where this is going? Because he is the greatest possible being, God will not simply overlook humanity's corruption, and because we are corrupt, our shame will drive us away from God, but we can NEVER get away from an omnipresent being.
     Now back to Heaven and Hell. What is the difference between them? Heaven is the realm into which the morally perfect are drawn to be in perfect everlasting fellowship with their creator, and Hell is the realm into which the morally corrupt will be driven by their shame. (Babies are incapable of feeling shame, and have nothing to be ashamed of, in case you were wondering.)
     Of course, other than babies, everyone has been morally corrupted to some degree, so Heaven is starting to look like a giant nursery, but if you are at all familiar with the gospel, you probably know what happens next. No corrupted construct can be rectified from within, no amount of dirty water will cleanse filthy clothing, and no amount of flawed human effort could redeem a lost race. Something perfect and pure had to step in and bear our shame, and God alone fits that description. That is why God incarnate was publicly crucified like a common criminal.
     Now let's look at God's offer again. It's not, "Love me or burn," it's "Give me your shame and corruption, and I'll give you my moral perfection." Remember what happens to the morally perfect? Remember what happens to the morally corrupt?
     But you may protest, "Why would anyone cling to their corruption?" and honestly, I don't know. At any rate, a better analogy for the offer of salvation is a lifeguard throwing a life preserver to a man who is being pulled underwater by the weight of his giant bundle of worthless junk, and saying, "Let go of the junk and grab the life preserver! If you don't you will surely perish!"

The Magical Bronze-Age Wish-Granting Goat-Herding Bearded Sky Daddy Genie Thingy

     A few years ago I became interested in the whole atheism-versus-theism scene, and since then I have probably watched hundreds of videos and read dozens of articles that either attempt to prove that God exists, or attempt to make the concept of God look ridiculous. While watching these videos, I've noticed some common mistakes made by people on both sides of the debate. 
     First, to my fellow theists: Do NOT try to use the Bible to prove that God exists. This is a textbook example of circular reasoning, and the vast majority of atheists will call you out on it. In the end, that just makes your position look indefensible.
     Now for the atheists. I couldn't help but notice you all seem to share this idea of God being a bearded old man in the sky that floats around granting wishes and throwing brimstone at people. So I want to clear some things up. Michelangelo had absolutely NO IDEA what God looked like. God does not have a beard. In fact, God doesn't even have a chin on which to grow a beard, or a face on which to have a chin, or a head, or a neck, or even a torso. You see, God has a condition that is commonly referred to as being immaterial.
     Where is God right now? Is he floating around fleshless in the sky somewhere? Nope. You see, one of the consequences of being omnipresent is that you are literally everywhere at once. God is in the sky to exact same degree as he is underground, in outer space, beneath the oceans, and in our homes and bodies. So he doesn't float around. The concept of motion breaks down when you are already everywhere. (Just a side note, in this post I am only talking about God the Father. Jesus was of course able to walk during his earthly ministry, and the Holy Spirit moves from place to place.)
     Is God "magical?" Not really. Have you ever had a dream where you could move objects with your mind? That's not magic. Have you ever been playing a video game and interacted with the virtual characters? That's not magic. Our universe exists within the mind of God in the same way that a virtual world exists in a computer, or a dream world exists in the mind of a dreamer. Know what that means? Miracles aren't magic. They're just a simulator interfering with his simulation. Nothing magical about it.
     In sum, if you can't attack God for what he is, don't attack him at all. I don't believe in the magical bearded old man in the sky anymore than you do. I do however believe that there is sufficient evidence to prove that our universe is being simulated in the mind of God. I will probably post something about that in the near future.